Optimistic Bender: Hey, I was thinking about rewatching (500) Days of Summer, you’d like that right?

Pessimistic Bender: Dude.  No.  Stop that shit.  Movie is terrible.

OB: It’s a great movie and you’re an idiot.

PB: Seriously?  I don’t get why everyone thinks it’s so good.  I liked Premium Rush way more.

OB: Hey, no one is saying Premium Rush is a bad movie.  They’re both works of art we have the privilege of experiencing due to the talent of Joseph Gordon-Levitt

PB: Sure, he’s fine.  But this movie is so far up its own ass, I’m surprised they didn’t get James Franco.

OB: Give me one example.

PB: The entire movie.

OB: Point taken, now pick one.

PB: Okay, let’s start at the title.  Why the parenthesis?

OB: I don’t know, it’s quirky?

PB: I’m gonna murder you with an icepick.

OB: Whatever, it’s unnecessary, but it’s still a good title.

PB: Fine, let’s cut the bullshit.  Summer is a terrible character.  She’s a prototypical Manic Pixie Dream Girl that moonlights as a sociopath.  She toys with Tom’s emotions, says some really fucked up stuff to him (the park bench scene at the end being probably the best example), and is pretty selfish during the entire movie.  She doesn’t really have much depth for a title character…she pretty much just exists to fuck up Tom.  Not exactly what you want from a chick flick.

OB: This is a guy movie.  It’s directed by a guy, written by two guys, shot from a guy’s perspective.  And I doubt you’ll find many girls that like Summer either.  You’re not suppose to like her.  We’re suppose to be sympathetic to Tom, and we want him to be with Summer because we think that will make him happy.  And as for Summer being selfish, she was upfront about her views on love and relationships, and she just takes life as it comes.

PB: You sound like you’re defending your ex-girlfriend right now.

OB: Hey, it’s hard to not to like Summer when she’s played by Zooey Deschanel.

PB: She’s the worst.  We get it, you’re quirky.  Stop.

OB: Untrue, she’s great.

PB: You can’t have an opinion, you’re bias cause you love her.

OB: I don’t love her.

PB: You’re listening to She & Him right now, aren’t you?

OB: Shut up.  Point is, Summer could’ve used more depth, but she’s ostensibly the villain.  Not exactly a great female character, but she’s not suppose to be a role model for girls anyway.

SB: Speaking of female characters, what’s up with the little sister?

OB: She’s just an age swapped mentor.  It’s quir-

SB: I get it.  Everything’s quirky.  Why can’t anything just be like real life?

OB: But a lot of it is.  Sure, the dialogue’s a little hokey, but a lot of the content is dead on.  Take the scene where the Tom talks to his friends about Summer saying her weekend was “good.”  Everyone has those moments where they over-think the simplest of things.

SB: I don’t know how Tom’s weird looking friend can even give advice on women anyway.  There’s no way it’s believable he could pull anyone decent.

OB:  Uh, dude, that weird looking guy is married to Christina Hendricks in real life.

SB: Fucking really?  I guess there’s hope for us yet.

OB: Probably not, but anyway, the conversations, the events, and the relationship itself is all portrayed in a believable way.  When Tom goes to the wedding with Summer, he thinks the relationship is returning.  He doesn’t think about what the last year has been for her, just for himself.  It’s a situation that happens to just about everyone.  And it also sets up the best scene in the movie…

PB: Don’t say the expectations/real-

OB: …the Expectations/Reality scene!  It perfectly portrays what someone views as a what’s going to be a huge moment of their life for completely different reasons that originally intended.

PB: You were completely different than originally intended.

OB: Every time I have a moment of sheer misery happen to me involving a girl, I can’t help but hear “Hero” by Regina Spektor seep into my head.  It’s balanced well with the Hall and Oates dancing sequence earlier.  Both are fitting reactions to the absolute peaks and valleys that come with love.

PB: Where does the time they play the Penis Game in the park rank on the peaks and valleys scale?

OB:  If we’re talking about the absolutely adorable head nudge Zooey pulls off, I’d say peak.

PB: C’mon.  I can’t believe you buy all this crap.  All the dialogue is corny and lame.  “I’m stalking- I mean starving.”  It’s just not clever.  It’s also not how life works.  Tom just sucks.  He only becomes good when he starts concentrating on himself.  And not everyone can just quit there job, achieve their life dreams, and start dating Derek Jeter’s girlfriend all within a couple of months of the biggest letdown of their life.  I get it’s just a movie, but you can’t preach realism and then pull that fast one.  Oh, and he’s a sensitive architect that dresses nice and lives in a big city.  Remind you of anyone?

OB: So Tom is kinda like Ted Mosby.  How I Met Your Mother was a great show!

PB: It was great until the end.  And Ted Mosby was by far the worst character.

OB: Whatever.  Sure, the dialogue is corny, but that’s why it’s charming!  It’s all about appearance.  If a cute girl came up to you and told you a corny joke, you’d find it adorable.  It’s not trying to be pretentious, it’s trying to be real.  And deep down, a lot of us are just dorky, awkward misanthropes.

PB: But it’s not even funny.

OB: It has some actually laugh out loud moments.  The “anal girl” line is memorable.  And the shot of Harrison Ford in the window comes to mind.  Not to mention one of the best F-bombs in PG-13 history.  If you go into this movie with an open mind, you’re going to like it.  Especially if you’re in a period in your life where you’re stuck in a rut or down and out.  It’s a movie made for singles, guys especially.  And even girls, since Tom is still very relatable since guys can be super shitty too.   It gets compared an awful lot to movies like Garden State and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind because they’re quirky romantic movies.  But both of those movies had people that were right for each other.  Like Tom does with the Graduate in the movie, people misrepresent (500) Days of Summer with a movie about finding the perfect girl.  This honestly isn’t really a movie you’d want to watch with a significant other.

PB:  I’d rather watch that with my girlfriend than Don Jon.

OB:  You’re not wrong.  But people do think that this movie is romantic.

PB: Seriously, no one can possibly watch this movie, compare it mentally to a girl, and feel like that is a positive connection.

OB:

PB: You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.

OB: Nope, anyway.  If you don’t wanna watch it that’s fine.  What do you wanna watch instead?

PB: How about Blue Valentine?

OB: Go fuck yourself.