*Spoilers for Game of Thrones through this episode*

This episode was a delight for the longtime viewers of Game of Thrones.  We rarely see anyone relaxing in this show, and with a season jam-packed with action to come, it was a breath of fresh air to take one last look at the path we took to get here.  I don’t have a ton to say about it, cause it mostly speaks for itself and there weren’t a lot of plot relevant details (besides the little chestnut of Jon telling Dany he’s the real heir to the Iron Throne BUT ANYWAY).  So instead, lets take a moment to predict how each major player will fare in next week’s battle, while taking some time to relive some of the best deaths over the course of the show:

**A quick warning: I speculate on the characters’ chances of survival of the next episode (with no insider knowledge)…but if you want remain completely blind to any speculation, please steer clear of the next section.**

Jon Snow

Guys, its Jon Snow.  He might not be the tallest guy that’s fucked Dany, but he can swing a sword.  He’s gonna be riding a dragon during the battle, and then a dragon is gonna be riding him after the battle.
Chances of death: 0 Karl head stabs out of 5

Daenerys Targaryen

I mean she might lose a dragon, but her plot armor is still too thick to catch the big L in the sky this early in the season.
Chances of death: 0 Dracarys out of 5

Tyrion Lannister

There’ll probably be a tense moment where he almost dies, but I don’t think he’s quite done.  Feels like he needs one more confrontation with Cersei…
Chances of death: 1 potty-time pot shots out of 5

Jaime Lannister

Biggest hand on the chopping block…Jaime checks a couple of marks with his redemption arc damn near complete and his having only one hand.  On the other, golden hand though, Bronn has been hired to kill him and chances are Bronn won’t be here for this episode…so by order of Checkov’s assassin…I give him:
Chances of death: 2 off-hand eye stabs out of 5

Sansa Stark

Sansa’s not fighting, so that’s a plus, but more than likely the dead are going to breach the walls, so I’d certainly say its possible she’s in the crosshairs.  Plus, she’s a Stark for god’s sake, it’s a miracle she’s alive right now anyway.
Chances of death: 2 hungry hungry puppies out of 5

Arya Stark

Arya in a battle sequence is going to be weird.  Sure, she’s killed a ton of people before, but we’re talking about assassinations.  That being said, she can obviously throw a dragon glass dagger on a frozen rope, so if someone’s gonna destroy the Death Star with one shot in the Godswood, it’s probably her.
Chances of death: 2 fine little blades that I can pick my teeth with out of 5

Bran Stark

Fuck Game of Thrones for making Bran the funniest character.  It fucking pains me.  This kid super fucking sucked for 6 seasons (remember when he was just gone for all of season 5?) and now he’s a one-liner machine.  Well, on the plus side, he’s probably a gonna eat shit next episode.  And since he hasn’t really killed anyone on purpose, his death clip will be someone’s death that he caused:

Chances of death: 4 HOLD THE DOOR HOLD DOOR HOLDOR HODORs out of 5

Meanwhile, in Winterfell…

Sam:  Do you think we’re gonna survive the night?

Grey Worm:  I have confidence that we will not fail.

Davos: I haven’t died so far, no reason to believe I’ll start now.

Sam:  Yeah, but that’s a logical fallacy…

Davos:  What the fook is-

Tormund: Boys, the best way to live past this battle is to have a reason to live on the other side!  Fat crow, what’s your plans after this battle?

Sam:  Well, I assume Gilly and I will return to Castle Black to-

Tormund:  Dead.  Davos?

Davos:  Well, I’m sure Jon will need advisors after-

Tormund:  DEAD.  Next?

Grey Worm:  Missandei and I will go south to-

Tormund:  FOR FUCKS SAKE YOU’RE SO DEAD!

The Hound:  I’m going to kill my brother in one on one combat in a fight everyone will remember for the rest of their lives.

Tormund:  See, this guy’s gonna fucking make it.  Next?

Gendry: Well, considering I just-

Tormund:  Dead, the lot of ya! Fat eunuch, dead!  Sad crow, dead!  Sansa’s fat uncle, dead!  Patchy McFlame Sword, dead!  Anyone else?

Podrick:  I’ll probably stay under Ser Brienne…

*Tormund gets close*

*Tormund gets even closer*

Tormund: *with his lips basically touching Podrick’s ear*   Fuckin’ right.

Brienne of Tarth

Speaking of Brienne and reasons to live…I’m very worried about Brienne.  She’s done everything.  She returned the Stark girls, she’s been knighted, she’s reunited with Jaime…not much to keep living for.  Though she does have Jaime and Tormund willing to die for her, so hopefully she can squeak by.  Plus, she’s so fucking good with a sword, I’d like to see her in Dany’s Queensguard if it ends up like that.
Chances of death:  2 quick deaths? out of 5

Theon Greyjoy

Let’s see…tragic figure that’s only remaining duty is to protect what the entire army of the dead is targeting…yeah that’s a 10-4 good buddy.
Chances of death: 5 I could watch this death 100 times and still laugh out of 5

Jorah Mormont

Jorah’s got a Valyrian steel blade now, so I expect him to be quite active in the fight.  He also has a chance to protect Lyanna Mormont in battle, which feels like some good full circle character work.  Jorah actually strikes me as one of the only people (besides the obvious next one) that still has some reason to live afterwards.  He’s a trusted adviser and sword to Dany, and he could also follow his father’s footsteps (and dying wish) to live out his days on the Wall.  I don’t necessarily know what purpose the Wall would serve anymore, but like, convicts need to go somewhere, right?

Chances of death: 3 man, Jorah doesn’t have that many badass kills out of 5

The Hound

I don’t know if Winterfell will hold.  I don’t know how many inside its walls will die.  I do know one thing.  One way or another, the Hound is gonna end up at King’s Landing to fight his fucking brother once and for all.
Chances of death: 0 you’re shit at dying, you know that? out of 5

Quick Hits:

1) I would’ve loved for Tormund to try to sing a song that just immediately started with him saying the C-word only to get immediately cut off.

2) I like to picture a world where Arya is trying to kill White Walkers, but can’t because they refuse to say their names to her and she just storms off miffed.

3) Arya:  So, how was it for you?
Gendry:  Good.  Really good.
Arya:  Really good?  Even a smith’s apprentice can do better than really good.  What did I look like, what did I smell like, how did I-
Joe Dempsie:  All right, I think we’re done here.

4)  I hope Meera Reed is okay.  I live vicariously through her being over Bran’s bullshit and I’m glad she didn’t return to Winterfell, but I’m sad she’s not in this season.  It would be funny if Bran survived and she just came in during the aftermath and started kicking the shit out of him.

5) Speaking of Bran, Tyrion asks for his life story and it is presumably told…yet the next time we see Tyrion, he’s talking to Jaime?  With no comment about Bran’s story?  What?

6) Jon: My mother is Lyanna Stark, my father is Rhaegar Targaryen.
Dany:  OH MY GOD
Jon:  I know, it’s a lot to take in…
Dany:  I can’t fucking believe it!
Jon: Dany, it’s fine, we can share the Iron Throne, and we can…
Dany:  I SLEPT WITH MY FUCKING NEPHEW!
Jon:  Well, yeah, but like, that’s not really a problem for-
*Dany vomits all over the goddamn place*

Hope you enjoyed levity of this episode cause you’re gonna be bringing your tissues to the next one.  See you then!