I finished Stranger Things this week a month ago (yeah…I suck), which was a bit outside of social consciousness.  Most most people binged it in July, and at worst early August.  Hell, if you watched it weekly you were done by September.  The point is, I finished it and had a few thoughts and figured I’d jot them down for old times’ sake.  I’ve been getting a lot of feedback since my last post.  People have been saying things like “hey, haven’t seen a blog in a while, I miss it” and “what did you think about this TV show?” and “eat a dick, dipshit.”  To be fair, that last one is mostly little kids I’m playing video games with, but still.  Feedback is feedback, and I’m here to deliver the goods!  So here we go.  First off, let’s get to the *fire emoji* *fire emoji* *fire emoji* takes:

1) Will Byers deserved what he got.

Will Byers is a piece of shit.  First off, rookie move tossing the dice on the ground…but that’s fine, we’ll let that slide.  Then you start snitchin’.  Not cool, but okay, you’re a child, you don’t know about the code of the streets yet.  Then you proceed to cheat to beat a disabled kid in a bike race and then claim his best comic as your reward.  Have fun in the Upside Down you bowl cut bastard.

2) Barb had a bad time.

Speaking of the Upside Down…let’s talk about Barb.  Let’s do a quick recap on how Steve, Nancy, and Barb are all feeling across the beginning of the season:

Steve: Yeah, my new girlfriend is super hot, wish she’d bang me.  All right!  She banged me!  Ugh, but she’s such a bitch sometimes.  Fucking slut.

Nancy:  I hope Steve likes me…he does!  But oh man, where’s Barb?  Can the creepy kid help me find Barb? Ugh, Steve is such a dick.

Barb:  Hey Nancy, are you and Steve- OH GOD!  OH NO NOT THAT!  DON’T PUT THAT DOWN MY- *muffled screaming*

So the next time your boyfriend or girlfriend is pissing you off, remember:  You could be being choked to death by the tentacle of an inter-dimensional mutant.

3) Anyone who thought Nancy should be with Jonathan is an idiot.

Speaking of Steve and Nancy, I’m glad that they end up together.  Sure they were playing up the Nancy and Jonathan dynamic, but let’s be real.  All Nancy knows about Jonathan is he’s an awkward outcast that stalked her and took provocative pictures of her, all while looking like a young Ike Barinholtz.  Steve’s the scumbag with the heart of gold you read about.  Game over Jonathan.

4) Dustin is the shit!

I don’t really have any jokes to tell here…just that if I have a son, the chances of him being called Dustin just went up 220%.

5) Random Red Headed girl is a total jackass

I’ll forgive you for forgetting who this is…especially since no one has seen this show in like 3 months.  But this girl had two scenes.  The first was when she caught Jonathan developing creepy photos of Nancy, and then tattled to douchebag Steve.  The second is when she is when she is spray painting “Nancy is a slut” in the alley and then being a completely unwarranted hole to Nancy and Jonathan.  So you send Barb to an eternal hell hole for being an uncool third wheel, but little miss tattle tale gets nothing but front row tickets to Steve’s beatdown and no consequences whatsoever?  Horseshit.  However, turns out she’s the only one…

6) If you snitch in this show, you get worse than stitches.

Let’s run down the list of snitches (besides that red headed piece of dog shit):

Will Byers – snitched about dying in D&D

Consequence:  Spent basically the entire season in the Upside Down…and still suffers from hallucinations.

Charlie the Diner Owner – snitched about finding Eleven

Consequence:  Fed a bullet to the back of his skull.

Troy the bully – snitched about Eleven breaking his arm

Consequence: Unknowingly saves the entire group he despises by putting Hopper onto their trail.

Okay, so maybe that last one isn’t that bad, but he already broke his arm!  That’s just a preemptive stitch to an inevitable snitch.

7) HEY GUYS BARB IS MISSING

Seriously doesn’t anyone give a shit about Barb?  Her mom’s just like “oh she’s probably at the library studying, classic Barb!”  No dude, your child is straight up gone.  But that little turd Will Byers has got an entire platoon searching the woods for him.  World hates gingers, just saying.

8)  The Government just lets them go!

Agent:  That’s it Hopper, your toast!  Tell me what you know!

Hopper:  I know everything!

Agent:  Okay, now we’re gonna kill you!

Hopper:  Wait!  What if we go into the Upside Down for you!

Agent:  Aight, I’m listening.

Hopper:  And if we come out, we just forget this ever happened.

Agent:  Wait, so you think that the government, the same one that already killed an innocent man for meeting a child (a child that you currently possess), is just gonna let you live because you killed some monster?

Hopper:  Yes.

Agent:  Okay, cool, just making sure we’re on the same page, sounds good.  What sized inter-demnsional suit do you wear?

 

 

9) Think of this show from other characters’ perspectives

Steve:  The time I banged Nancy and then she started banging some creeper after I found out he was a legit creeper.  Then I called her a slut, killed a inter-dimentional mutant, and now we’re going steady.

Mike and Nancy’s Dad:  The time I missed a bunch of programs because my TV is a piece of shit.

Charlie the Diner Owner:  The time I caught a mute kid trying to steal my cheeseburger and then I took care of her until

Troy the Bully:  The time I couldn’t stop from pissing myself, so I threatened to kill a kid unless another kid killed himself…then that kid flew, and a little girl broke my arm.

Barb:  The time Nancy didn’t- OH MY FUCKING GOD WHY WHY ME WHY NO PLEASE DON’T *muffled screams of torture*

 

10) The Ending

All things considered, I really like the show.  Especially the ending.  Rather than just go happily ever after, it’s clear that the Byers household (especially Will) are still in a world of hurt.  The Upside Down isn’t a done deal.  Maybe that’ll get explored more next year, along with exploring what happened to Eleven, what the real consequences were for Hopper, and maybe, juuuust maybe, if she’s really lucky, someone might actually give a shit about Barb.