*Spoilers for Game of Thrones up to Episode 3 of Season 6*

There’s a lot of fiction that includes a relatively normal world introducing something fantastical to the main characters.  Time travel, body switching, Jay Baruchel dating Alice Eve…you get the picture.  So, everyone is sitting around shocked asking questions.  Davos asking what he remembers, Melisandre looking for answers to the afterlife, Edd wondering how he got jokes…but Jon has no answers.  Typical Jon Snow, knowing nothing, not sure what you expected people.  But once everyone’s over the shock and the summary executions are over with, Jon goes rogue and ends his watch.  So, now Jon’s going off to do…something.  I’m not sure what.  Perhaps go after Ramsay Bolton?  Even though your entire pitch to Olly was we need the Wildlings to stop the White Walkers?  You know…band of ice zombies, super keen on slaughtering all non-snow skeletons?  No, just gonna pout and leave?  Aight.

Speaking of Olly, fans rejoiced across the world this week when he, among others, was executed.  Olly has been an increasingly curious character since his introduction that screamed inconspicuous plot accelerator.  Even the nod to him at the Battle of Castle Black seemed to bring his story full circle, allowing him to enter the background of the plot.  However, natural progression of the storyline thrust him to the front lines of a major plot.  Olly finds himself in a rare Dornish situation of being hated by both ardent book truthers (for not existing) and show watchers (for killing Jon Snow and being a little shit turd).  But, hot take alert:

Olly was a great character built out of nothing with incredibly justifiable actions.

There, I said it.  AND I’M NOT EVEN A BIT SORRY!  I thought he was shitty last year just because I didn’t think they’d kill Jon Snow (and didn’t think they’d use a resurrection angle to free him of his duties).  He stuck around literally as long as he had to, had an nice tight arc, and got a fulfilling demise.  So here’s to Olly, may he rot in fictional character hell.

Onto the Tower of Joy, where an ugly Neil Patrick Harris lookalike playing Ned Stark is to take on Sir Arthur Dayne, the best swordsman in Westeros.  After taking the cheap victory with help from Meera’s father, he begins to ascend the tower to finally put an end to all the specu-WHAT THE SHIT OLD MAN?  You psychic suck monster!  Okay, so we knew that reveal wasn’t happening this fast, but it’s still more of a tease than those two girls on still-having-a-penis Theon.  Perhaps by the end of the season, we’ll finally get to see what’s in that tower.  But I’m sure Ned seemingly hearing Bran will come up somewhere later…and hopefully it won’t distract Ned from seeing who killed Lyanna.

Meanwhile in King’s Landing…

Tommen: HEY DROOPY FACE

High Sparrow: Yes, Your Grace?

Tommen: I AM CROSS WITH YOU

High Sparrow: Why Your Grace?

Tommen: CAUSE YOU MADE MOMMY MAD

High Sparrow: Yes, but your mother needs to atone…

Tommen: YOU GOSH DARN MEANY LET MOMMY SEE MY DEAD SISTER

High Sparrow: Hey, what’s that over there?

Tommen: WHAT I SEE NO-

High Sparrow: Is that a kitty?

Tommen: OMGYESYESYES KITTY KITTY KITTY

High Sparrow: Now what was your request Your Grace?

Tommen: Hmm? Oh, I need like 20 more kitties.  For…religion.

High Sparrow: Of course, Your Grace.

Last week, I made mention that the Umbers supposedly have Rickon Stark and it would probably take more than “shaking a few hands” to get to Rickon.  Well, I was wrong.  Lord Umber didn’t even wanna shake hands.  Besides the glaring fact that Starks are springing up like Jack’s beanstalk while Gilly’s son has been a baby for 3 seasons…bringing Rickon back is a good move.  It gives people a reason to attack Ramsay, makes Ramsay more potentially dangerous, and shows basically everyone else in the North is a total dickcheese.  Like seriously, Umber? Sure, in the books, Shaggydog was a bit of a loose cannon, but in the show he’s just a fucking dog.  Don’t need to decapitate yet another dog.  This fucking show.  And no, I don’t subscribe to the theory that the dog head was too small to be Shaggydog.  You’ve got a kid that grew 3 feet in like two years and you think they give a shit about the size of a dog’s head?  Nah son.

Quick Hits:

1. I’m not saying Tommen is a push over, but if he was a board game he’d be Jenga.  If he were a mother he’d be Lysa Arryn.
2. Hey, where was that Arya montage last year?  Could’ve saved us from like 14 dead body baths.
3. But seriously, good to see Arya reaching her 4 season goal of ceasing to exist.  Although, most of the Starks already achieved that goal.
4. Dany thinks she’s Beyonce but she’s really Michelle Williams.
5. I’m glad we finally got to see Sam just for him to tell us what every press release told us the entire off season.  What a waste.  Wait, some people don’t read all those?
6. Say what you want about finishing a fight with honor, but I think Howland Reed had the right idea.  Where was that hustle from Tyrion when Oberyn was getting his head made into a Picasso painting?
7. Okay, everyone who had Dolorous Edd becoming Lord Commander, collect your prize at the door.
8. I really wanna watch a drinking game with Tyrion, Daario, Varys, and Dany.  No charge guys, just make it happen.
9. Qyburn even sucks at candy.
10. Cersei, when you inevitably have Zombie Mountain slice and dice the small council, can you please spare Lady Olenna?  With Bronn MIA and Oberyn dead, she’s basically the only funny person in King’s Landing.  Or just bring Bronn back.  Free money here fellas.

And that’s our show, join us next week when Jon Snow probably does a thing, Daario and Jorah try a thing, Littlefinger is actually around to do things, and Tommen definitely doesn’t doing anything.