*Spoilers through the end of Season 5*

Lots has happened since the end of Game of Thrones Season 5.  Donald Trump could be our next president.  Peyton Manning retired.  And I finished the A Song of Ice and Fire series.  Finishing the books added new perspective (and allowed me to relive all the depression all over again), but it’s interesting just how blind both book readers and non-book viewers are going into this season.  There are roughly 2 or 3 potential plots that seem to be coming to fruition for the next season that book readers could have a leg up on.  But even then, last season proved that the TV show is basically its own entity at this point, so the time for book spoilers is basically over.  It’s a glorious new day where TV viewers can be freed of the smarmy book readers spoiling everything and look forward to all their favorite characters dying sad, horrible deaths.

The anxiety of your favorite characters surviving (nevermind succeeding) is real in the late seasons.  So how will the top players perform this year?  Here are my predictions (book spoiler free):

Daenerys Targaryen

It’s a rough time to be a queen, and none more obvious than the Mother of Dragons.  Episode 9 ended with the collective viewership hoping Drogon would finally get her to land on the shores of Westeros, hopes that were summarily dashed when she ended up back in the hands of the Dothraki.  And without Aquaman backing her up, that is not an ideal situation.  In the pro column, she’s got Sir Friend Zone and Mr. Steal Your Girl combing the desert for her.  On the down side, she might be horse food by the time they find her.  But there’s no way Dany won’t make it to Westeros at some point, right?  Main characters always live to reach their goals, right?  Right? …Right?

Prediction: Dany finally makes it to Westeros…alone.

Tyrion Lannister

Varys and Tyrion are back, baby!  And they’re running roughshod all over Meereen!  I doubt Tyrion’s good fortune will last long because this is Game of Thrones, but Tyrion seems like he’s in a relatively good space, just a city at the brink of Civil War with half of the Queen’s Court gone.  But the human one liner machine always finds a way to survive.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean Meereen survives with him.

Prediction: Tyrion barely escapes Meereen as it is overthrown and burned to the ground.

Jon Snow

He dead.

Prediction: Just kidding Melisandre saves him and he’s a total vengeful asshole now.

Jaime Lannister

Remember when this shithead was killing Starks left and right and you were like “CUT HIS FUCKING HEAD OFF!” and now you’re like “YEAH GET ‘EM JAIME GET ‘EM!”?  Just a perfect redemption story.  Jaime has a tall task ahead of him to win back control of King’s Landing and to stick it to the Martell’s.  He’s gonna need a hand, but Jaime should be able to bring him back into the arms of the woman he loves.  Gross.

Prediction: Jaime takes back King’s Landing, but ends the season in a tight spot.

Bran Stark

Oh this fucking asshole again?  Listen, I’ve gotten flack for this, but I don’t really like Bran.  He’s just a turd out there.  But it looks like business has finally picked up for him.  But he’s also at the front lines of the Night War, and if he doesn’t learn to fly soon, he’s going to end up like basically every other male Stark.

Prediction: Bran flies by the end of the season, leading to foreshadowing of him controlling a dragon.

 

Sansa Stark

Dude, I have no idea.  This chick could have broken legs and be recaptured by the Boltons in minutes.  She could team up with Theon and lead the Wildlings into battle.  And basically everything in between.  The only thing I’m confident about is that Brienne won’t find her.

Prediction: She’ll end up back with Littlefinger cause he probably put a medieval tracking device on her.

Arya Stark

Who?

Prediction: She finally becomes no one.

Cersei Lannister

Everyone’s least favorite alcoholic finally got kinda what was coming to her...but at the expense of like 15 minutes of our lives.  Cersei has an uphill battle, but the peaks and valleys of Game of Thrones seem to signal an upswing coming…but this is Game of Thrones, which is why I predict probably my most bold prediction so far:

Prediciton:  Cersei dies in the season finale at the hands of her brother…Jaime.

Speaking of those dying, how about a quick lightning round of some other characters I expect to live or die in the upcoming season! (I will omit people that have died in the books from plots yet to be told, all people listed are either still alive in the books, died way earlier, or were created for the TV show).

Live: Samwell Tarly

This sack of shit doesn’t do enough to get himself into any real danger.  Look, I love Sam as much as the next guy, but without Jon Snow, I fear he’s going to be dangerously boring if actively involved in the new season.  Here’s hoping that the new characters attached to his story brighten up his teachings at the Citadel.

Die: Alliser Thorne

If we are entertaining the idea that Jon Snow will rise from the dead (which will probably happen either at the end of the first episode or at the end of the season), Sir Alliser is probably going to be number 1 on his shit list.  And I’m not sure if you know this, but motherfucker killed a white walker and like literally 200 other dudes on this show already.

Live: Ramsay Bolton

Die: Tommen Baratheon

This isn’t bold.  That surprisingly attractive witch doctor at the beginning of last season basically told young Cersei all her kids were taking dirt naps before her.  Batter up.

Live: Gendry

But only cause he won’t be in the season.  Just keep swimming.

Die: A shit ton of religious folks in King’s Landing

It’s been a good run for the Faith, but yeah, Zombie Mountain looks pissed.  If he can even be pissed.  Is he like a weird robot?  Really doesn’t matter, wouldn’t wanna be in the same area code as that thing.

Live: Theon Greyjoy

Rumors persist of a large Greyjoy presence in this season, and it would be really awkward to have all these new Greyjoy’s running around without a busted ass Theon to run into.  I’m guessing he guts it out and limps his way into Season 7.

Die: Brienne of Tarth

Brienne has had a great run.  She protected Renly until he got killed, assisted Catelyn Stark in delivering the most valuable prisoner back to the enemy for no benefit.  She straight up couldn’t “save” Arya or Sansa with an opportunity for both.  And she ambiguously killed her, um, arch nemesis?  I guess?  Moral of the story is, if you’ve done everything you’re supposed to do, you’re now useless. Byeeeeeee.

Live: Margaery Tyrell

This one is probably just wishful thinking.  Actually it’s all wishful thinking.  Please, don’t kill Natalie Dormer.

Die: Loras Tyrell

….But you can totally kill her brother.  I really don’t give a shit.

Live: Varys and Littlefinger

These guys are never dying.  A fucking white walker riding a dragon could challenge them to a trial by combat and they’d still find a way to survive.  I think they can swindle their way into Season 7.  LOCK IT UP!

Die: Jorah Mormont

Greyscale is like a cross between the plague, a zombie infection, and rocks.  But look on the bright side, instead of being a whiny bitch, at least he’ll finally get some thick skin!

Live: Podrick Payne

Listen guys, they can’t kill him.  The women of the Seven Kingdoms will not let him die.  He has way too much love to give.  And let’s not forget, he’s got the best sword in Westeros.

Die: Hodor

But the other lovable lump will not be so lucky.  Hodor is one of the most adorable, innocent, and enjoyable character in the Game of Thrones universe.  And his death will spurn Bran Stark to a crusade against his enemies.  Or he’ll just continue being a turd.

Can’t wait for Sunday!  Here’s to a season of excitement, despair, and many Tyrion and Varys conversations!