2015 certainly was a year.  It’s got its own Wikipedia page and everything.  But unlike 2015, I don’t have my own Wikipedia page to regale my thousands upon thousands of fans to look up speculative facts about who I’m dating and what I’m allergic to.  So how would you ever know what my favorite things of 2015 were?  Spoiler alert, you wouldn’t.  And that’s a damn shame because everyone should know my opinion and not everyone is constantly within ear shot of me.  And even when they are, they are usually telling me to “please stop” and “wait, were you talking to me this whole time?”  So, that’s why I pay the big bucks to have my own website.  So here it is, deal with it.  You have to read it.  Don’t try clicking the X, you’re already here.  Might as well hunker down, get a nice hot beverage, and bask in my opinions.  Seriously, without my opinions I’m just some garbage goblin that cares way too much about Game of Thrones.

Best Movie – Star Wars: The Force Awakens (No spoilers, promise)

I’ll be honest, I don’t watch movies in theaters a lot.  The floors are sticky, you can’t talk to anyone, and everyone claps at the end like their kid got a hit in Little League, only their kid is actually a billionaire company and that hit is another billion dollars.  I think I went to the theater 4 times this year: Star Wars, Jurassic World, Kingsman, and the aforeblogged Pitch Perfect 2.  There’s a few on my list like the new Hunger Games, The Revenant, and (super regrettably) Inside Out, but I have to write this list sometime.  And if you’re wondering where the fuck Mad Max: Fury Road is…chill.  I watched it literally 30 minutes ago.  I couldn’t in good conscience start this list without witnessing it.  And guess what?  It’s witnessed.  And it’s great.  But it’s no Star Wars to me.

 

So here’s the thing.  Is Star Wars a perfect movie?  No.  But neither was Jurassic World, but I loved it because of subjective nostalgia and love of the world in which it resides.  A fucked up world where super dumb scientists continue to think recreating the same catastrophic disaster is a good idea.  Seriously, in their canon, they let a fucking featherless T-Rex destroy half of San Diego and eat an Andy Dick impersonator.  Opposed to that, Star Wars makes a lot of sense once the bad guys figure out they can just build a new death star without exhaust ports.  Speaking of which, everyone complains that Force Awakens is basically a remake of A New Hope.  Oh no.  Please, shield my eyes from the movie that replicates one of the greatest movies ever made.  Force Awakens does plenty different than the original trilogy, including humor that I didn’t realize was missing from the Star Wars movies until it was laid out in front of me.  Sure it was safe, but it was an enjoyable ride throughout and made me leave with a huge smile on my face.  Though it should be noted if they put more Jesse in Pitch Perfect 2, this could’ve been a different story.

Runners Up: Mad Max: Fury Road, Jurassic World

Best Video Game – Life is Strange

If you told me at the beginning of the year that in a year with Star Wars Battlefront, Fallout 4, and a Game of Thrones game made by one of my favorite developers, that my favorite game would be about a high school girl taking pictures and rewinding time then I’d think…wait, yeah, that sounds about right.  Okay, hear me out.  I love shit blowing up, but Life is Strange hits you where it hurts…with high school angst and folk pop.  A lot of you reading this have probably never heard of Life is Strange, and a lot of you would probably hate it.  But tough titties, you’re gonna learn.  Life is Strange is a interactive story game (think a choose your own adventure…the game is mostly just dialogue and puzzles, with various decisions that must be made that will affect the plot) that pits you as a senior in a photography school in the pacific northwest.  It’s pretty much hipster central, but instead of choosing which lensless glasses go with your Grizzly Bear t-shirt, you have time travel powers.  The real story here is the lengths you will go to save your best friend while uncovering the truth behind the many mysteries around the town.  It’s thrilling and touching in a way got me in a way I wasn’t expecting.  You do need to get by some atrocious attempts at adults trying to figure out what the kids are saying.  Here are some of my favorites:

 

• “I hope you checked the perimeter, as my step-ass would say. Now, let’s talk bidness-“
• “The last time I got the flu shot, I got the flu. Fuck you.”
• “Ready for the mosh pit, shaka brah.” (said ironically…I think)
• “Amazeballs! I literally got chills all over my neck.”
• “Groundhog Day-ja vu”

And finally, the favorite…“Why don’t you go fuck your selfie.”

It’s certainly lame at points, but it really has charm and paints one of the most realistic friendships in media that really makes you care about the characters.  And some very serious issues are brought up, including depression, anxiety, drug use, and some shit that rivals Criminal Minds in levels of fucked up.  If you like a good story in your video games, I encourage you to give it a shot.  If you don’t care about video games, my mom would probably like you to invite me to play outside.

Runners Up: Rocket League, Fallout 4

Best TV Show – You’re the Worst

I know what you’re thinking…how is this not Game of Thrones?  Yeah, that’s like most of what I do here.  The rest is writing up long posts I end up hating and deleting and ignoring it while forgetting that I’m paying a fee for my website to exist.  But when Game of Thrones is going strong, I know my faithful readers will come in droves to get some hot takes.  So why is it not number one?  Well…it wasn’t great this season.  Don’t get me wrong, it was still good.  But come on, please name your favorite moments from the first 5 episodes?  Was it the time Arya washed a corpse?  Perhaps when Bronn and Jaime barely got in a fight?  Here’s looking to a great new season in a few months, but there are other shows that killed it this season.

 

There were three fantastic shows this year that all were nearly perfect to me for varying reasons…and all of them reside on the same family of networks.  I haven’t been talking about the runner ups at this point really, but I feel a hat tip to Man Seeking Woman is necessary.  It is just an absolute masterpiece of showing how normal awkward dudes attempt to survive the dating scene in creative and abstract ways.  Whether it’s your ex girlfriend dating Hitler or your current girlfriend going to see her male friend (who happens to be a Japanese Penis Monster who is “just a friend”), Man Seeking Woman takes everyday struggles and turns them into hilarious absurdity.  Please take 7 minutes out of your day and just watch the “what to text her” scene to see what this show is capable of.

Fargo was second, as I previous gushed over, but it didn’t end as perfectly as I was hoping.  But what did end perfectly was You’re the Worst.  The second season of the tale between two star-crossed sociopaths tackled more than just bad people doing bad things.  It struck a deep chord, and one that hit me personally very hard.  I encourage you to watch the season on your own and to skip to the next category before I spoil it, but if there’s 0% chance you will watch it on your own, consider the mid-season reveal I will tell you.  Gretchen, one of the two main characters of the show, revealed that she had clinical depression.  The rest of the season portrayed the decimation the disease had on their relationship, with Jimmy trying to fix Gretchen while being unable to comprehend her inner struggle as anything but laziness.  It was gut wrenching to watch, even as it made me laugh multiple times per episode (“I like to play Snake while I cry”).  It is not my place to go into the specifics of why this dynamic affected me so deeply, but I can say that knowing many people with depression and interacting with them throughout my life within my family and my friends, it was portrayed accurately and effectively, even reaching a conclusion that satisfied me even if it had a touch of “oh-so-convenient.”  The final scene of the season was so perfect, I’d even be happy if there was never another episode (as they expected would be the case until they got picked up for a third season after filming concluded).  But mercifully, I will have another season to wallow with these trash humans who are endearing as they are despicable.

Runners Up: Fargo, Man Seeking Woman

Let’s hope 2016 is as good a year for content and stops killing all our favorite celebrities.  Take us out Snape! (spoilers for the last book/movie)